31 December 2017

From the Dream Archives: War of the Necronauts!


I had a pretty strange, semi-disturbing dream recently.

In the dream, Earth was at war with a race of aliens who flew around in biomechanical airships which resembled giant flying manta rays.

These airships would drop smaller manta rays to the ground.

These smaller mantas were actually bio-bombs, fleshy shells containing a short-range but incredibly virulent viral agent which turned any living creatures exposed to it into zombies. These zombies weren’t particularly violent — they weren’t brain or flesh-eating monsters — but they were extremely contagious and a danger to anyone close to them.

Anyway, I was a soldier in a squad stationed at a derelict ranch house, and we were tasked with taking out a bunch of bio-bombs before they could hit the ground and turn anybody into zombies. After dealing with the bio-bombs, we rendezvoused with another squad. At first, the men of the other squad were friendly. Then for some inexplicable reason, they became aloof and then violent towards us, taking their weapons and firing upon us. Though caught off guard, we quickly started fighting back.

As it turned out, our squad members all got exposed to the viral agent while we were dealing with the bio-bombs, which began transforming us into decaying zombies; that is why the other squad turned against us. Something in the viral agent rewired out brains to prevent us from recognizing the undead state we were in.

26 December 2017

Strangest Things/I Went to NYC & All I Got Was This Lousy Anarchist

I had a dream which served basically as an alternate second season to Stranger Things. Eleven had returned, but the events of the first season finale had left her so traumatized that she mentally regressed to the state of a toddler; she no longer knew how to use her powers and she was forced to wear a diaper all the time.

I became her guardian and had to protect her from a nigh-unkillable demoniac who was hunting her; the fucker was so strong that all the damage I dealt to his body only slowed him down.

(Maybe the demon's Jason Voorhees. It isn't like possession's an unexplored avenue to the guy.)

And to make my job all the harder, he had the power of mesmerism; he could enslave others to his will with a glance.

There were other details to the dream, but they’ve slipped my mind.

* * *

I dreamed I watched an early-to-mid '70s romantic comedy starring Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Roy Scheider.

Fonda played an unmarried-and-unattached woman with a modestly successful modelling career who had a crush on a millionaire with a pornstache.

Tomlin played her best friend.

"With benefits? No? Shame."

Together, they were planning on taking a skiing vacation to Colorado, but they got on the wrong bus and wound up in New York City instead. There, Fonda met and fell for Scheider’s character, who was a cantankerous, misanthropic anarchist who always talked to himself in the mirror and wore his hair slicked back and the top buttons of his black T-shirt unbuttoned.

(You talkin' to me?)

24 November 2017

From the Dream Archives: Secret Kung Fu Agent Man/Glenn Frey: Hypnotist/3 is the Loneliest Number/Mad World/Reservoir Toydarians/Hissing High


I had this really wacky dream early this morning. I dreamt I was a time-travelling, Kung Fu-fighting secret agent – sort of a three-way cross between Marty McFly, Bruce Lee, and James Bond.

The dream was going really good – I foiled a demon’s attempt to re-convert me to Armstrongism,

(Read 1975 in Prophecy! to learn just how right he was.)

and I was kicking all sorts of malign ass – when the real-life bickering between my parents woke me up.

Just gotta love my parents. When they’re not sabotaging my life, they’re sabotaging my dreams.

* * *


I had a dream early this morning where Glenn Frey

hypnotized me and Gillian Anderson using a video played from a smartphone.

Once in the hypnotic trance, I had a dream within a dream of a woman getting her teeth cleaned at a dental clinic.

* * *


Had a dream were I met and got romantically involved with two different, equally vivacious women.

I informed neither of the other's existence. Regardless, one of the girls found out about the other and gave me an ultimatum to choose between them. As I liked them both equally, I didn’t want to have to choose between them.

(Where's a Fly-type transporter when you really need one?)

* * *


My last dream was pretty disconcerting.

It was like I was trapped in a Twilight Zone episode where the laws of physics themselves seemed to be breaking down around me.

I would see things appear and disappear in-and-out of thin air without anyone else noticing,

and the people in my life themselves would change shape – take on different hairstyles,

skin colours,

even different dimensions.

Matters got so bad that I opened the front door of my home, and facing the cold winter weather outside, I screamed out to God to deliver me from whatever was happening.

It seems that God did answer my cry, for the weird breakdown of reality came to a halt. In this new stabilized reality, I found that I was now blond, in my early teens, with a pronounced overbite.

I was also the sidekick of both Superman and the Flash, dressed in some Kid Flash/Superboy combo outfit.

* * *


This dream began with me connecting an N64 console to my TV and struggling to get a pristine reception through the screen.

Then some weird shit with my house catching fire transpired and the dream realigned. Suddenly I found myself watching a SW equivalent of Reservoir Dogs. Watto

had brought all these gangsters together for some nefarious purpose. One of the gangsters was played by Bryan Adams.

Anyway, Bryan did something which pissed Watto off, so Watto had him killed.

* * *


Had another one of my “back to high school” dreams earlier today. In this dream, I was crawling through the hallways and up-and-down the stairs on my belly like I was a giant lizard, hissing at anyone who looked at me the wrong way or tried to interfere with me.

18 November 2017

From the Dream Archives: All that We See or Seem Is but a Dream Within a Dream (Within a Dream)


Basically, this dream began with me going back to my old high school to finish off my high school education. This is a recurring dream theme of mine – going back to my old school, where I was expelled back in 2004, the only student there in his twenties, with all the classmates I knew from way back when long gone, leaving me peerless and lonely.

Anyway, in these dreams, I usually just go through the motions. I may be searching for someone or a photograph of someone I knew from the past,

but otherwise I handle myself well under the circumstances. This time, however, this time I had a nervous breakdown. I started screaming that I shouldn’t be there, that if it weren’t for all the bullshit I had gone through, I would’ve graduated years ago.

That’s when the dream got really bizarre. Suddenly, it was revealed that I wasn’t really myself and that none of this was really happening. I was really a teenaged kid – fourteen or fifteen – who resembled a young Rod Taylor,

the adopted son of a lesbian couple, who had suffered a psychotic break, leading me to believe I was a completely different, older person.

Oh, but the weirdness really jacked up from there. I then slipped on a red visor,

and in doing so I was able to perceive another person in another world; this person was me – not the teenaged Rod Taylor me, but the me me.

Only I was dressed like a man from the '50s – with short, slicked-back hair, attired in a neat black suit

– and I was seated in a chair, hooked up to a virtual reality machine.

So, to make it clear, the dream was about this: A 1950s version of myself was hooked up to a virtual reality machine, causing me to experience a VR simulation where I was a teenaged Rod Taylor, who was suffering delusions of being a far older man, who was suffering a mental breakdown as a result of having to go back to his old high school.

(I think Philip K. Dick would’ve been proud of this dream.)

17 November 2017

Return of Tales from the Gimpy Hospital

This rather unpleasant dream began with me spying a haggard man wandering around my backyard.

(He looked like the character Chick Hogan from Bates Motel.)

My family took this man to be a prowler, lurking about. However, once I saw him right out back – in plain sight – but my sister didn’t, it became clear I was hallucinating.

In short order, I was brought to a psychiatric hospital. Upon being diagnosed with schizophrenia, they assigned me a doctor and started treating me with drugs. The drugs did very little for me, however, and I soon began experiencing perpetual states of altered consciousness.

(It's what I imagine a bad acid trip to be like, only without the prospect of the trip ever ending.)

On top of the schizophrenia, I turned out to have dissociative identity disorder, too; I manifested a split personality – a female personality who was incredibly foul-mouthed and violent.

Due to these factors, they had me restrained to my bed, though I found ways to wriggle loose.

"Smooth as shit from a duck's ass."

My attending doctor appeared to me in two different forms. First she appeared to me as Rosie O’Donnell.


Then she appeared to me as a young, long-haired Jamie Lee Curtis.

(Much better.)

10 October 2017

My Pyrokinetic, Mass-Murdering Surrogate Son

The following is quite possibly the most visceral, heartwrenching dream I've ever had. As such, I'd like to go in-depth relating its sequence of events. However, a month has passed since I had this specific dream, relegating the minutiae to Hypnos' dustbin. Hence I'm forced to defer to brevity in this instance.


and Laura Bertram

were combined into a single woman.

(I shall call her "Launia".)

Launia and I were soulmates, yet not lovers.

Launia married Ricky Mabe.

Together they had a son. This son, whom I loved as if he were my own, grew up to become a pyrokinetic mass murderer.

(Such awful fashion sense. As a surrogate father, I feel betrayed.)

Various Marvel superheroes were out to capture him.

(They will succeed. They always do.)