26 November 2016

From the Dream Archives: The Misadventures of Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, a Woman Driver, & Carrey Lantern

This is a new feature of mine called "From the Dream Archives", Here, I showcase old dreams, dreams I had months or years ago, ones which I wrote down for posterity way back when. These posts will be supplementary to my regular posts.

If I can, I will mention the dates I had the dreams on (or the dates when they were first recorded down).

* * *


It began with Daniel Jackson and Samantha Carter from Stargate SG-1 

getting trapped inside a virtual reality simulation of an elevator (if elevators came equipped with several rooms, corridors, and windows which looked out onto the street). Basically, they could only escape the simulation if they inflicted tremendous pain on either themselves or another person trapped in the simulation. If the damage they dealt was too great, though, they could end up killing the recipients in the real world. So, instead of tossing some balding guy through a window like they originally planned, 

(Take your pick; they're equal pains in the mikta.)

they ended up burning themselves or something along those lines to get out of the simulation.

(It fells awful. And it works.)

From there, the dream changed to focus on a woman in a car (I think it was a station wagon) who was being followed by a malevolent alien in a car (also a station wagon, I believe) who was wearing a one-piece, head-concealing olive green bodysuit and a Cyclops-type visor.

"Remember me? Abduction of '74? Yeah, I was the guy with the anal probe."

Somehow, though, that one alien became two bizarre aliens in bronze spacesuits with telescoping stilt-like legs.

(Nuff said.)

Finally, the dream became a bizarre Green Lantern movie. Green Lantern was played by Jim Carrey, who looked exactly like the Riddler from Batman Forever save for the absence of question marks on his costume.

(I shudder to think of what he would do with a power ring.)

Having failed as a superhero, he was bouncing from one minimum wage-paying job to another in search of steady employment. At one point in the dream he got folded into a giant quesadilla or taco.

(Good luck getting to sleep tonight.)

The dream started coming to a close when Carrey Lantern got inside the flexible rubber walls of an elevator(!) where he saw the outline of two men swap chewing gum while making out with one another(!). Believing one of them to be a woman, he got aroused.

As that happened, though, Carrey Lantern got stuck in one of the rubber walls, leaving it up to one of the men -- who had a pocket knife on him -- to cut Carrey Lantern free. 

"Don't thank me! Thank the Simpsons reference!"

The man cut him free, and Carrey Lantern came out looking like a silver-purple rubber banana man.

(Just pretend he's silver-purple instead of, y'know, banana-coloured.)

At that point the dream came to a close and I woke up.

To end this strange recollection on an even stranger note, I was woken up by one of my adult cats, who was kneading and sucking on one of my armpits like it was a teat.

25 November 2016

Me, My Diet Cherry Coke, & Alanis Morissette & the Cute Frizzy-Haired Blonde on a Bus

I was travelling on the bus, drinking a Diet Cherry Coke,

(I don't drink this crap in real life, y'understand.)

and who should happen to be on the bus but Alanis Morissette herself.

(She wasn't quite this exuberant (or gingerlicious).)

She, too, was drinking a Diet Cherry Coke and having a conversation with another musical icon (I don’t recall who, but I wanna say Debbie Gibson.).

(Truth be told, I don't believe I've ever listened to a full song of hers.)

Anyway, after finishing my Coke, I decided I wanted some more, so I conspired to steal Alanis’. I quickly discarded that plan, though. Instead, I decided I wanted to impress her with my musical talent and began singing this song aloud. One or two other people on the bus joined in, but Alanis still failed to take notice.

🎵If Alanis could only see the way I love her, maybe she would understand ....🎵

The dream then took a change for the weird. For some reason some government official appeared on the bus and charged the bus driver 25.11¢ or something on my behalf (That’s not a typo of $25.11, BTW; that’s literally 25.11 cents.). The bus driver said neither he nor the bus company would be paying for it, that I would have to pay it, 'cause they didn’t have the funding to cover it. The official said they did, the bus driver stressed that they didn’t, and they continuing arguing from there.

"You will pay the 25.11¢."

"Hey, this ain't a Star Wars dream, man!"

Then a cute woman in her twenties with frizzy blond hair and a red backpack appeared on the bus. 

(She looked somewhat like this, just with more freckles and less sultriness.)

Then suddenly she and I were transported off the bus into the middle of these overgrown woods. There was this large dark blue sheet stretched out in the middle of the woods, with the shadowy side leading into some realm of supernatural darkness.

(Not image-accurate, but it captures precisely the same sense of dread.)

The dream trailed off there.

"Musings from a Rat in a Cage" is now "Dreams of a Rarely-Bit Fiend"

Since creating this blog back in February, I've struggled to find something to post about. Initially, I wanted this to be a place where I could bear my heart and soul on anything that came to mind: theology; morality; philosophy; politics; art; movies; TV shows; music; books; and various general topics. However, I came to realize that I'm just not comfortable commenting on many of those subjects. I often find it hard trying to take my thoughts and feelings, put them into some reasonable order, and express them in words; I simply don't have the knack for it. So, to avoid making an ass of myself, I abandoned that lofty route. I then tried posting random nonsense (I am something of an absurdist, and I do have a talent for it.), but I didn't find that direction all that fulfilling.

After some months away from the blog and some time spent thinking things over, I decided I'm going to make this blog my on-line dream journal. Every time I have a particularly interesting dream -- and can recall it with any detail -- I'll post a description of it here.

Since I'm not a fan of revisionism, I'm not going to delete any of the posts from the time when this blog was "Musings from a Rat in a Cage". They'll remain up, curious mementos from an earlier era.